WHAT ALIA FATHIMA TEACHES WARRING COUPLES !
A curious case of a 9-month old baby girl-Alia Fathima-getting treatment ONLY at the behest of the Kerala High Court has within it the potential to open the eyes of ALL warring couples who are sparring with all their individual might against one another!
Both the Trivandrum origin father of the baby and the mom were too busy bruising one another to be willing to get the baby treated for what the physicians diagnosed as an instance of “decompensated cirrhosis of the liver”!
Her life was in danger and the distraught father gave a habeas corpus petition to the High Court in this connection.
The High Court went out if it’s wonted way to help the baby too.
John and Mary may have grudges against one another. If in the least intelligent and perceptive enough to recognize that the other would be crucial at certain decisive moments in one’s own life, both would have patched up long ago. If both are unwilling to do so, they ought to have prevented any kid getting born.
Many contraceptive devices are available off the counter today.
If they failed at this and a kid got born the couple is both individually and collectively responsible for guiding it from total dependence to total independence too. No, they don’t have the right to play bachelor and spinster at loggerheads with each other any longer once they become biological mom and dad.
Since the kid is just a 9th old baby, who must necessarily have a mom to support her at this stage of life, the mom is guiltier than the dad.
This doesn’t promise to be worth counseling back to normalcy too, though I myself would have undertaken this sore task if they had a minimum of commonsense.
A couple of days ago a father and a son drove their car into a water filled quarry and courted dearth perhaps to escape from some threat. Compact family suicides take place day in and day out here in the capital. Couples that insisted on expensive weddings and all kinds of luxuries break apart within the week.
You may notice the hidden crux in all these case-emotional incompatibility with someone at a distance and personal incompetence to deal with the situation successfully.
“A soft tongue turneth away enemies”, says the Bible wisely.
In many cases of marital disputes, raising one’s own voice is a bad sign and a virtual confession of weakness if not inability and diffidence. A soft voice carries more authority and weight.
In daily conversation also a hubby can avoid undue stress in his partner if he keeps the volume of his voice under severe control at all times.
Conflict being predictable in almost all human relationship issues—e.g. employer-employee, landlord-tenant, contractor- manual worker, government – public office worker, hubby and wife—it’s vital that we master the skills needed to resolve conflicts too.
Negotiation skills are another area that come in extremely useful and remain relevant all through married life.
Ambiance of geniality also counts not a little.
Two chairs laid out in the garden outside the home is far better than the same chairs inside a closed ill-lighted room for any long discussion or short debate.
The attitude of Give and Take is also an essential skill for all couples in distress.
John needs to giver due credit to Mary for her strengths without reluctance.
Mary also must appreciate his strong points –his vast knowledge, admirable dress sense, his habit of helping the less fortunate, wonderful reading habit, or advance planning or resources husbanding habit etc.
Playing the Office Superintendent or University Professor of Mathematics at home is counterproductive and a sure shot boomerang. (This is an occupational hazard that many jobs possess and that many employees run the risk of, with of course good intentions!) Please forget your work station and its hassles once you arrive at home.
At home you are a pair of supremely and fully private individuals in love or attachment with one another at all times! Remember that!
Kindly don’t underestimate a marriage as a contract only; that way it can’t survive.
If Mary has a violent disagreement over something John can certainly kiss and patch up for both his own sake and hers!.
”Men are hard outside and soft inside while women are soft outside and hard inside!“ we say but women are also soft in certain emotional and mental aspects.
A new born kid –if human-does need total unstinting support from the mom during its first few years and then it needs the father’s guidance for long enough to be able to swim successfully through the tempestuous waves of adolescence and teenage and then become an adult! Mind you EVEN girl kids need a dependable Dad to help them along during those years.
Only idiots shall first marry, exchange their body fluids liberally and then bring forth a kid whom they then refuse to treat for illnesses over flimsy reasons.
Only a scoundrel parent –in the present case, it’s undoubtedly the Mom–shall push the kid to a near death stage too.
The Indian Courts are a blessing upon this nation for they have always kept the nation well calibrated in regard to basic decency and commonsense. The honorable judges , magistrates and munsiffs do read a lot, observe the world too, and master the pertinent and relevant laws to be able to apply them.
Abuse and Anger are not solutions in any sense of that term but actually generators of further problems and higher personal stress. A loudly talking hubby is actually betraying his own cowardice too in the presence of his wife and not acting bravely!
And this applies to wives too no less!
Every kid is a potential promise for the whole world; this is why we need to learn to treasure our kids and all kids –no matter the community or the family unit into which they got born–that we get to see!