WHAT ALIA FATHIMA HAS TO TEACH ALL WARRING COUPLES!

WHAT ALIA FATHIMA TEACHES WARRING COUPLES DSC01425!

A curious case of a 9-month old baby girl-Alia Fathima-getting treatment ONLY at the behest of the Kerala High Court has within it the potential to open the eyes of ALL warring couples who are sparring with all their individual might against one another!

Both the Trivandrum origin father of the baby and the mom were too busy bruising one another to be willing to get the baby treated for what the physicians diagnosed as an instance of “decompensated cirrhosis of the liver”!

Her life was in danger and the distraught father gave a habeas corpus petition to the High Court in this connection.

The High Court went out if it’s wonted way to help the baby too.

John and Mary may have grudges against one another. If in the least intelligent and perceptive enough to recognize that the other would be crucial at certain decisive moments in one’s own life, both would have patched up long ago. If both are unwilling to do so, they ought to have prevented any kid getting born.

Many contraceptive devices are available off the counter today.

If they failed at this and a kid got born the couple is both individually and collectively responsible for guiding it from total dependence to total independence too. No, they don’t have the right to play bachelor and spinster at loggerheads with each other any longer once they become biological mom and dad.

Since the kid is just a 9th old baby, who must necessarily have a mom to support her at this stage of life, the mom is guiltier than the dad.

This doesn’t promise to be worth counseling back to normalcy too, though I myself would have undertaken this sore task if they had a minimum of commonsense.

A couple of days ago  a father and a son drove their car into a water filled quarry and courted dearth perhaps to escape from some threat. Compact family suicides take place day in and day out here in the capital. Couples that insisted on expensive weddings and all kinds of luxuries break apart within the week.

You may notice the hidden crux in all these case-emotional incompatibility with someone at a distance and personal incompetence to deal with the situation successfully.

“A soft tongue turneth away enemies”, says the Bible wisely.

In many cases of marital disputes, raising one’s own voice is a bad sign and a virtual confession of weakness if not inability and diffidence. A soft voice carries more authority and weight.

In daily conversation also a hubby can avoid undue stress in his partner if he keeps the volume of his voice under severe control at all times.

Conflict being predictable in almost all human relationship issues—e.g. employer-employee, landlord-tenant, contractor- manual worker, government – public office worker, hubby and wife—it’s vital that we master the skills needed to resolve conflicts too.

Negotiation skills are another area that come in extremely useful and remain relevant all through married life.

Ambiance of geniality also counts not a little.

Two chairs laid out in the garden outside the home is far better than the same chairs  inside a closed ill-lighted room for any long discussion or short debate.

The attitude of Give and Take is also an essential skill for all couples in distress.

John needs to giver due credit to Mary for her strengths without reluctance.

Mary also must appreciate his strong points –his vast knowledge, admirable dress sense, his habit of helping the less fortunate, wonderful reading habit, or advance planning or resources husbanding habit etc.

Playing the Office Superintendent or University Professor of Mathematics at home is counterproductive and a sure shot boomerang. (This is an occupational hazard that many jobs possess and that many employees run the risk of, with of course good intentions!) Please forget your work station and its hassles once you arrive at home.

At home you are a pair of supremely and fully private individuals in love or attachment with one another at all times! Remember that!

Kindly don’t underestimate a marriage as a contract only; that way it can’t survive.

If Mary has a violent disagreement over something John can certainly kiss and patch up for both his own sake and hers!.

”Men are hard outside and soft inside while women are soft outside and hard inside!“ we say but women are also soft in certain emotional and mental aspects.

A new born kid –if human-does need total unstinting support from the mom during its first few years and then it needs the father’s guidance for long enough to be able to swim successfully through the tempestuous waves of adolescence and teenage and then become an adult! Mind you EVEN girl kids need a dependable Dad to help them along during those years.

Only idiots shall first marry, exchange their body fluids liberally and then bring forth a kid whom they then refuse to treat for illnesses over flimsy reasons.

Only a scoundrel parent –in the present case, it’s undoubtedly the Mom–shall push the kid to a near death stage too.

The Indian Courts are a blessing upon this nation for they have always kept the nation well calibrated in regard to basic decency and commonsense. The honorable judges , magistrates and munsiffs do read a lot, observe the world too, and master the pertinent and relevant laws to be able to apply them.

Abuse and Anger are not solutions in any sense of that term but actually generators of further problems and higher personal stress. A loudly talking hubby is actually betraying his own cowardice too in the presence of his wife and not acting bravely!

And this applies to wives too no less!

Every kid is a potential promise for the whole world; this is why we need to learn to treasure our kids and all kids –no matter the community or the family unit into which they got born–that we get to see!

Amen!

AUTUMNAL FIXATIONS GALORE!

OLD AGE AND AGE OLD AGE FIXATIONS!

We live in an Ageism-complexioned culture today, especially in this country! People are, as Ms. Rupa Sengupta has put it, are cheer-led to live long in a society that views Death as an effrontery or an act of unforgivable impertinence! Then they are unceasingly badgered to stay forever young in a community that views the end of life as something really unmentionably scandalous!

All kinds of allusion-worthy anecdotes go with this hard effort; one of my relatives in the north used to drink cow urine to remain young too, while almost all matrons are after either age-resisting workouts like Taichi or Salsa or Zumba or they are hoping to buy Nirvana at drastically discounted rates from some local Ashram from some bearded guy with glasses! Revitalizing items get consumed too—like, for instance, Ginseng from China or mandrake roots, or aloe vera sap and so on!!

At an exhibition here recently one fellow tried his best to sell me some virility enhancing concoction and when I drily commented that I was no longer interested in that kind of recreation in the loft, he gave me a crafty Mephistopheles look too with a sly smile!

Ha-ha!

How long my life on this plane might stretch never bothered me in my younger years, partly because, in my eye, I didn’t have, despite having a so called “government job” on a “growing remuneration scale”—both expressions put within quote marks on purpose to bring out their sheer irony– a set goal to live long enough to see fully realized!

55—the supposed superannuation date was rather too far from my dappled-with-damson or pink-and-gold horizon, what with all kinds of temptations, impulses, instantaneous reflexes and hormonal surges to add some spice to its horribly routine and zombie complexion!

Today I DO have a set goal in front of me—to live up to 90 to see my small grandson happy and creditworthy enough to pursue his education anywhere on the planet without scraping the family resources barrel!!

What I am suggesting here is simple of course: YOUR life is too shy, too complex in wiring  or too esoteric to reveal its Book  pages fully to you till you are at least 60 and ,in its seasoned eyes, capable enough to make head or tail of its hieroglyphic contents!

Once you think you have a long life to live, and that illnesses of various descriptions might assail your wellbeing out of the blue, you start out on a series of resistance campaigns against them with fit ness fads, surgeries, cryopreservation study, yo-yo dieting, diet modification, executive health check-ups, weight reduction, experiments in age busting with Botox, tummy tuck, wrinkled removal, skin peeling, bleaching and so on—and part with a fortune on them all without any compromise!

The latest answer to “How long do you wish to live?” stands at 115 today (Vide a research study titled “Evidence for limit to Human Lifespan” by Xiao Dong, Brandon Milholland et al in Nature 10/2016).But the researchers openly admit to having depended solely on inadequate sample population, inflated analysis and left out many key factors! They also declare natural age related constraints to the human tissues to live through periodic rebirth that far!

But believe me, even this ceiling is being challenged from many angles today! Hope floats for those that wish to JIVE—not merely live—forever! By 2070 the human lifespan may well be 125 or slightly higher!

Yes, better nutrition awareness, better healthcare, amenities to pursue an active lifestyle, education and economic opportunities—all these have done their bit to brighten the  longevity scenario today!,

Now for some old age linked fixations!

One is the Love Oasis—discovered quite serendipitously after decades of lonely and forlorn existence on this planet and often only at the fag-end of life!

One such context is beautifully epitomized in the following lines!

DESTINY AND ME!

At the local KFC,

One Henry Miller forenoon,

Me on one side of a table and

Destiny on the other, with a loaded gun in His merciless hand,

As He unsmilingly awaits my next move in a Russian roulette game!

Me, knowing fully my forked biped status, utterly helpless,

In the Heraclitean flux of Time,

Praying hard for a relief or a distraction from the Above!

Like in Leda’s case, a sudden flutter and a lovely cygnet with a long pale neck

On my table—and looking around in joy!

I didn’t see Destiny at all behind the zestful fluttering of her feathers

And sat mesmerized by her gentle looks!

Destiny, smiling thinly but with knitted and knotted brows, putting his

Loaded revolver back in the holster,

And stealthily sneaking away into the darling dusk!  [By Urban Anonymous]

Another fixation is the Limpet Syndrome!

This comes from the feeling of one’s own indispensability in a large democracy in some indefinable way, no matter if one is the least eligible to occupy official chair! Hard core malcontents, regional champions and advocates of vested interests, political satraps, power hungry gang leaders, and even totally illiterate dynastic family paterfamilias guys!

Till recently many Parliamentarians of the senior citizen generation displayed it with not an iota of shame at their own incompetence and total unsuitability to do their legislation job efficiently!

Count these living or dead instances of human deadwood on your fingers:

Doddery and senile PMs and Presidents, not at all capable of discharging their assigned duties;

>50% of all Rajya Sabha members, picked from A to Z fields having not the least imaginable link to implementation of governance basics and grass root level citizen needs, and basking in sinecure positions;

25% of Lok Sabha members, already in their doddery 70’s and 80’s but still clinging to their “position” as a final refuge;

50% or more of all Indian ministers and their personal staff   and

>60% subordinate officials in various departments, obliged to put into action the government initiated projects and policies in a satisfactory manner!

It’s high time we set our borderlines, age-wise for all these on performance basis alone!

Think of all this as you and I, in our great nation goosestep ahead what with all our individual burden of legacy or tradition weighing heavily on our backs!

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

Bye!