LOVE TO SWEAR? GO FOR SOCCER!
Soccer is the manliest of all manly games by far when compared with tennis or cricket, both of which have been described as “gentlemen’s games”. It requires high energy (up to 2500 calories for a single game) and causes grievous injuries often requiring hospitalization for days or weeks. But thousands take to it with a masculine passion and live the football lifestyle as long as they can partly for the dream earnings they can make with it. (Payment is usually in millions of USD and in many millions too!)
Both on the stadium and off the field football players are a salty tongued lot, given to trusting in their own might over another’s right. It’s a game that gentlemen and ladies can go passionate about but from a safe distance out of the player’s earshot!
If my memory is right, it was in 1979 that I stumbled upon a most remarkable book in my college library by name “RUGBY JOKES”.
Merely out of curiosity (I was expecting a posting abroad at that time) I took it up and nibbled at its contents. And lo! It triggered some body movements too instantly-the jokes in that book were of that crude humor! One relates a man’s organ being so thirsty for his whole body’s blood that he remained senseless as long as it was engaged in performing its hypodermic syringe service. Another joke relates to an Englishman confessing rather sheepishly to his Russian and American player buddies (who boasted of ‘doing it to their women 7 to 10 times a single night) that he “did’ his woman only once a night but that a ladder reaching the ceiling was required the next morning to bring her down from that height to the floor! Still another rugby player attributed the length of his organ to his late one handed mom’s habit of lifting and carrying him as a little boy from the bath basin by his organ and standing him with her single hand to dry with a towel!
Hundreds of such dirty jokes pertaining to themselves or to their opponents are freely cracked by the players in spare time both before a game and afterward! They are as sure as eggs are eggs to warm your body of a cold chilly morning, to tickle and titillate you in all those places hibernating on your body and give you a feeling of ecstasy!
You might stereotype me with undeserved harshness if I am impertinent enough to include some more of them here!
FOOTBALL IS DIFFERENT!
All sports and fames items require a basic level of health of course and the necessary stamina, but the game of football, with both volleyball and basketball breathing down its neck, goes the extra mile in the matter of stamina inasmuch as it needs some extra stamina at times.
Rugby, football and soccer are all varieties of the same game (soccer supposedly being the most basic form) and the players, mostly below 40, are invariably in the prime of their health and strength at all times and severely self-disciplined in diet and workout matters. And I discovered the truth that these were strapping young men in the prime of their masculine health and also in their 30’s which leads to the conclusion that their testosterone levels shall also be equally, if a bit excitingly to the members of the fair sex, high! Getting injured is nothing to them and they are not afraid of being hospitalized too if necessary!
They think ONLY of their home team at all times and how to ensure its victory by outsmarting the players of the opponent team. This is why they even try to demoralize the opponent team players through verbal insults while playing!
Such jokes as I compiled above for you-exaggerated fantasized presentations no doubt-are both relaxing and auto stimulating at the same time to them about themselves.
Rugby being a form of soccer (or as we call it “football” in India!), it intensified my curiosity to know in which manner football players were known to be so clownish and humorous in an under the belt style.
Please, dear brother, pay special attention to my take on soccer lifestyle if you have a son 10 years or thereabouts!
10 year olds are overly receptive to a bout of vocabulary expansion especially in relation to terms of abuse like s.o.b (son of a bitch) mother fucker, blackguard, jackanapes, bast**d, bullsh*t eater ,nigger, Blackie, wog and so on!
Learning to cuss is something that all 10 year old boys would so love to master at the earliest for using copiously on their school campus at times! This skill they can’t expect to acquire in their homes!
(Could I expect any overcurious female contemporary from my sister community on FB to pass on to other posts please? Thanks!)
In front of the family section on the gallery at the White Hart Lane Stadium—home of the Tottenham Hotspur Football Team—there is, observes Danny Hadkin in NY Times, a notice that says, by way of warning that those seated in this section ought to mind their language.
”The north stand is our family stand. Therefore our Club would like to remind supporters to show consideration for the large number of children and families that occupy this area. Please refrain from using foul and abusive language or behavior of a threatening nature”
“Stewards will be monitoring this area closely and any supporter (of Tottenham Hotspur) that doesn’t comply with this request risks being ejected from the stadium”
That this announcement or plea had absolutely no effect was clear as soon a football match began.
Obscenities began to rain in a thundershower within five minutes after a friendly game started between Tottenham Hotspur and Manchester City.
One of the players of this latter team fell by chance and the whole gallery erupted with curses and insults at every part of his body—his backside, front side, his tender parts and his mental health!!F-words made the air a bit smelly like fresh garlic paste.
All kids (Danny refers to his own son Eli) had much excitement as they sipped in the F-word and similar expressions that rent the air.
REFINED SOCCER IS FOOTBALL!
Call it by any name as you prefer but this is one game that literally transports all viewers also, along with the players, into an aggression realm.
Here in Trivandrum I have been part of this excitement in my younger days despite my health level being so-so and even forgotten my own identity at times of play.
Of course I haven’t been the first to fall under its spell, for viewers have rioted too when their team have been declared unsuccessful. Many reports speak of the whole gallery bursting suddenly into singing aloud about a player that scores goal after goal like Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo!
Liverpool fans rioted in 1985 in a Belgian stadium during a Championship Finals and were banned from being viewers at all European competitions for a few years because in their stampeded 39 persons lost their lives! Rioting by Spurs (i.e. Hotspurs) in 1974 prompted the club’s chairman to plead with the rioters and announce to them that they were “disgracing the British people”!
SOCCER—FOOTBALL VERSION 1.0
Soccer is hard for many Americans to embrace even to this day. Even the British were a bit conflicted at first.
Football is the refined version of this manly game, which causes a testosterone level surge in the players’ and viewers’ blood vessels and makes the latter behave oddly in the excitement.
It was banned by King Edward II in a 1314 decree warning that “there is a great noise in the city caused by hustling over large balls from which many evils may arise” 50 years later his son King Edward III tried again to ban the game, which the British crowds loved passionately. He forbade under pain of imprisonment both football and cockfighting as unhealthy distractions to bow and arrow practice on Sundays and national holidays, which all men folk had to involve themselves in owing to Archery Law.
Boys take to football like ducks to water if they are healthy and strong enough; in Latin American nations children fall in love with soccer as early as 2 or 3 and even sleep at night with their pet balls in tow. British children have a choice since Arsenal, the North London team is also there in addition to Tottenham, one of which they can identify themselves with! And most British kids think Tottenham Hotspur team is neither the best nor the worst, even when it concerns ‘vocabulary expansion’ in this XXX language red light zone!
Even Prince Hal and Falstaff (Both possessed a vast vocabulary to cuss others with)wouldn’t be able to match modern viewers and players in this mastery of this peculiar hormone-energized language jargon!
At the stadium emotions run high too; lifelong allegiances are that fierce. Even fisticuffs occur at times if one stands up to leave in the middle of a match!
Danny Hadkin refers to how he stood up to go since he could hope to see the televised version of the game but how he was stopped by a stern recorded warning from the football manager’s office to the effect that those that were lucky enough to be issued tickets were expected to commit no breach of protocol and that they were expected to remain seated to till the end of the game.
”Anyone found supporting the visiting team will be ejected from the stadium forth with and will not be refunded under any circumstances” it added in a school head mistress’ unemotional dry tone!
WHAT PELE MEANT DURING HIS INDIA VISIT:
When the soccer legend Pele visited India he advised Indians to start their kids young in this most exciting skill-based game. What he meant was that age was no restriction to mastering the skills and that kids must be inducted into this game as young as 2! Both in Brazil and in Argentina, and to a smaller extent in Chile and smaller Latin American nations, many boys sleep with their footballs gifted by their parents. All thru the daytime they go on playing with the ball and dribbling the same till they have learned how to guide the ball to the goalpost by the age of 5!
Is it any wonder that Latin America is such formidable soccer players the world over?
The Indian media naturally misinterpreted what Pele really meant. Here most parents are in an unholy hurry to ‘settle’ their kids in one of two professions – engineering or medicine– and they over strain themselves in their effort to do so, all the while coolly ignoring the other skills the boys kids may have! Induction into football usually start at or around 10 here for boys in some local football club and soon their practice has to stop because of their load of school work. Our parents are overprotective to a fault about the kids and get flurried if they get even slightly injured!
Soccer champions can’t be molded in such an ambiance. Injury is part and parcel of this game since it’s so manly and bullish!
Naturally we Indians don’t perform well as a result globally!
Think about this in the course of the day!